Dolly.

It all feels a bit surreal. Four days after returning from one of the most glorious, life-affirming, soul-changing vacations I’ve ever taken, I found myself saying goodbye to my best girlfriend. My Big Fuff, my Duchess Dollyrhymple, my Dolly. She was diagnosed with a vaccine sarcoma back in May and had been in slow decline since Thanksgiving. Each day looking more and more like a buffalo. Still eating everything in sight, still Miss Personality Plus. Just moving a tad more slowly, a bit more cautiously. Savoring every single nap in the sunbeam. Smiling at me with her eyes just a bit more deeply.

When our sitter informed us the day before our return she had stopped eating I knew we needed to prepare a farewell. And I was grateful for the spiritual food I’d taken into my starving soul while in Paris. As if in solidarity I caught the most hellacious bronchial infection of my life while on the plane. One which brought me to my knees. Even as I write this the words swim and the knowledge my companion is gone doesn’t feel entirely quite real. The absence of her constant whirring motor at my feet as I write feels louder than bombs.

The three days we had together were our most special of all, full of afternoon naps on the couch, the chair, the bed. Lots of purring on her part and much of the lovey special baby talk crazy cat ladies like me reserve for their special ones. Her passage was peaceful, the sky bright, the weather uncommonly warm. The Hubby says I spoke many beautiful words to the air during the ceremony but I just don’t recall.

Needless to say the juxtaposition of such bright glorious spiritual light in the dual forms of an uplifting trip and a great loss coupled with a terrific illness has knocked the feet out from under me. I’ll need a couple of weeks to get back. To digest it all and practice extreme self care. To get well. There will be a podcast Thursday, as always. That is my commitment to you, Dear Listener. Regular programming will return January 2nd. I promise many stories and much laughter. And I wish every one of you many quiet moments of joy. Of peace. Namaste.

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